I've always been a dedicated and very happy renter. I've vocalized about how I'd never want the responsibility of home ownership, how I think it's silly to be a slave to some money-pit of a residence, and how I love the care-free option of being able to pack up and leave whenever I want. I've arranged my life in such a way as to allow me to enjoy maximum creature comforts for the least expense and responsibility, and it's been really fun.
But over the past year I've started thinking about getting older, and building equity, and having the freedom to roam around naked or throw elaborate parties. So within the span of five days I got myself pre-approved for a mortgage, and then I got myself an agent, and then I started looking at houses. I put an offer in on a cute little 50's bungalow and got rejected, and then the next day I put in an offer on a 80's rambler which got accepted, sort of to my surprise. I alternated between fear and excitement, stomach-ache to euphoria. But mostly fear and stomach-ache. I was told that was normal, that stomach aches are a common side-affect of the looming possibility of home ownership, and I thought that fear was probably just a character flaw.
On Sunday a duo of very nice inspectors and a large group of family and friends gave the place a thorough going-over, and then shit got real. There were words like Grading and Drainage and Deterioration thrown around, and people saying things like "So, I guess you won't be able to travel much anymore, huh?" or "Wow, this is a lot of debt to take on", or "I guess you can't really see the highway, but you sure can hear it!'. And then there was more talk of replacing things and calling in specialists, and pictures of mice tunnels being shown to me. Mice tunnels!
So, I called the whole thing off.
Here's what I've learned about houses:
- Old construction is better than new construction. Unless it's too old and needs too many repairs
- Being on a hill is good, because of Drainage. It's also bad, because of lawn-mowing
- Tree's are bad, because of their roots wreaking havoc. But it's good to have some trees because of their shade
- Corner lots are bad for reasons nobody can explain. Unless you like corner lots, because some people do, then they're OK.
- New siding is good, unless it's old siding that's metal - that's the best
- Wood floors are good. Unless they're in bad condition, then they're bad
- Popcorn ceiling is bad, but it's also sound-dampening, and that's good
- Living by possible light-rail routes is bad. Unless you plan on taking the light-rail places, then it's good
- Houses should have gutters. But sometimes it's OK if they don't
- People really don't like it if you live by a busy road.
As I was crying on the patio last night over the whole sorry business, my friend said "Ruthann, you've just been through a break-up. You thought you were getting into a nice long-term relationship with someone, and you found out that they were kind of an asshole". We laughed and I felt a little better, but secretly I'm afraid that I was the one who was an asshole in this relationship. I was the one who made empty promises, flip-flopped, kept things hanging, and ultimately disappeared without explanation. I did the whole "It's not you, it's me" thing and "I need to figure out what I want and be alone for awhile" thing.
I don't know if I was involved with the wrong house, or if I'm just not into houses period, but for now I'm back to the status quo of housemates, and shared spaces and communal meals, and somehow that seems like a sad defeat. But my stomachache is gone, and I feel free.